There comes a moment in everyone’s life where they meet themselves. They encounter that person whom you meet for the first time. They put their feet on your dashboard as you drive to get breakfast and coffee to soothe a headache and drive to admire the Raleigh nature together. You see a beautiful autumn leaf but are too shy to grab it, but they read your heart and run back and pick it up for you. They give you a piece of clothing so you can use it as a prayer mat at airports. This person will break down walls, and snack your soul awake and even though you may feel like you are breaking down, you are being remade stronger and whole again. You speak in the car for hours, talking about things that keep you awake at night. Even though you are distant, you know your heart still yearns for their company because they made you feel like no other had. They occupy a space so deep, the worlds best diver would struggle to find it. You recognise their soul; it feels young and free. A familiar terrain. Beautiful moments are made when you put your heart into them, when you operate from the heart, you will always live and feel deeply. That’s what home feels like. Life has many turns and the path has many bumps and detours, but if you find yourself lost, just find that connection, and you will be home.
A little over a year ago I was living away from my home, and because of a personal circumstance, I felt like I was in the eye of my storm and on this particular day it was raging. I felt depleted, crippled and broken. As I lay in bed and I hear a knock on the door. Someone who I cared about deeply sent me this package, it contained one of my favourite things; ice cream. It was one of the sweetest gestures. This person knew I was not well and soothed my heart (and stomach) with a simple act of kindness.
Allah says in the Quran, “indeed with hardship there is ease” (94:6).
Indeed. My trial did not end that day, however I found comfort in my ease. That moment, that person, the other people who were there for me. I felt the mercy of Allah nourish me. When someone in going through a something, one of the best ways to show you care is to “show up”. Be present. Even if you cannot be present due to distance, you can still make your presence felt. Emotionally. That’s how we build connection. We lean in when it matters.
Sometimes people may leave our lives for different reasons but it is always important to remember the blessings they bought with them. In psychology It is said when you focus on something, it grows. Focus on the light and it will grow, and when it does, it will illuminate the darkest crevices of your life.
Imagine a pearl necklace, each pearl connected to the next. This story is as such, each account connecting with another, forming a story, albeit one still unfolding. In 2015 something happened to me that made me confront a lot of my deepest fears, I felt overwhelmed by the test God had given me, and even though I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, my heart could. So my heart hugged my soul and together we dived. That is the thing about life. Sometimes life is so uncertain and we struggle with attaining certainty when we need control. We need to understand where we are going. If we do not, we feel helpless, defeated or confused. I was tried with something that made me lose control of the faculty most take for granted, my body. In this realisation I pondered over the the story of my namesake, the Prophet Musa as (Moses). When Musa (as) was at the juncture of the Red Sea, he was scared, but had hope, he was unsure, but had hope. In that moment of feeling uncertain, he made a very powerful du’a (supplication), he said:
“Inna ma’iya rabbi sayahdeen”, (Truly my Lord is with me and He will guide me through 26:62).
I was now facing my own Red Sea and called out to God with the same supplication along with another* very powerful one. Having no control over my circumstance i called out to Him. When I did this, I learned an A class lesson in Tawakal (Trust in God). I came to understand when you truly place all your fears, anxieties, worries with Allah, and you dive into the His Ocean, one of two things will happen, He will either catch you, or teach you how to fly.
I flew. Realising i had wings, hidden for so long. It was very much an inward journey of love and loss, recognizing the wounds and healing from so much more.
*To be continued.